I Like Him (But I Don't Know What to Do)
by LoneeWolf
Summary: I honestly don't know what to do. I mean, I still hide behind the truth of having a boyfriend. I love him, but… I don't know what to do, I honestly don't. But it hurts. It hurts my heart to think this. Would I go for him if I were single? Would I let everything behind? I want to squeeze him in my arms, and I want to kiss him. I want to kiss those bitten lips. I really do. But...


I love him.

Wait, that's a terrible way to start this. I don't actually love him, I mean, I've never been actually face to face with him... Mavis, this is frustrating. He is frustrating. I'm frustrating. This whole situation is frustrating. Life is frustrating.

... I have the feeling I'm using the word 'frustrating' an awfully lot. Oh well, it's the most fitting word I can find.

So, what am I talking about here? Right, let's tell the whole story right. My name is Levy Mcgarden and I... Well, what can I say about myself? I'm short. I have blue hair, messy and barely reaches my shoulders. I'm not very tanned but I have a soft color in my skin. My eyes are big and brown. Just plain old brown and I'm skinny, almost flat-chest compared to my friends, but I think I'm decent to look at. But anyway... As far as I can recall, I've lived all my life in Magnolia, had the same friends and shared the same common goals: to learn about the world as much as I could and experience as much as I could.

In a way, I managed to do some of it. Despite not actually travelling, books took me to worlds I've never imagined living and showed me things I've never imagined seeing. The beauty in all of it? I could go back anytime. My only wish was that I could forget the books just to read them all over again. But I still get the chills whenever I read Snape saying 'Always...'. That's gotta be mental, I swear.

I'm currently attending a college where some of my friends go to. One of them is even in the same class I am, but that is not something to be happy about since she traded me for another group when she decided they fit better in her life than me. But that's past. Thanks to that, I met the girl of my best friend dreams! Her name is Lucy, and she's like the dopest friend I could ever ask for! I mean, I'm a reader, she's a writer. I'm short, she's tall. I'm shy, she's outgoing. She's like the ying to my yang. And despite her arrival to the 'crew' broke a few hearts because one of the hotties in the group _(who prior to her paid NO attention to ladies)_ took a liking on her, she's fine.

Right... The crew. So, the crew is composed by what you may want to call Model, President of the Student's Council, Stripper, Crusher, Hot mess, Bestie, Clueless, Steroid Typo 1 and 2, Childhood friends and kids. Mirajane is the Model, Erza is the President, Gray is the Stripper, Juvia is the Crusher _(because she has this huge crush on Gray and doesn't even try to hide it)_ , Cana is the Hot mess, Lucy is the Bestie, Natsu _(the hottie that I mentioned before)_ is the Clueless _(because he's so clueless to see that Lucy actually likes him back)_ Elfman and Laxus are the Steroid Typos, Jet and Droi are the childhood friends and Wendy and Romeo are the kids. They hang out with us because Macao, Romeo's dad is an old friend of the manager of the bar we always gather _(Fairy Tail)_ and Wendy is Natsu's little sister and he refuses to let her go back to an empty house _(they live the two of them with their cats Happy and Carla)_.

So yeah. Our life is fine. I guess... Until mine turned the other way around when I first met... Him. Let me explain.

I've always been a fan of fandoms _(does that make any sense?)_. I mean, I just love being a part of them. And ships?! Oh, my Mavis, I'm the worst shipper of all. I'll ship anything. And I mean _anything_. I shipped Destiel before it was even a thing and all my friends called me weird, but how what happens?! Everybody shipping Destiel like there's no fucking tomorrow. Oh, excuse my language. It's his effect on me. And I'll get there, don't worry. So, ships. Yeah, I'm a huge shipper. And with ships, can you tell me what comes next? Exactly. Fanfiction. I mean, I swear that I love FanFiction. It's like the only thing that can cheer me up when in a bad mood. I read a few lines in the morning to start my day well, and two or three or fifteen stories before I go to bed. The most awesome thing in the world. And me, being the 'walking brain' as my friends call me, I start to picture scenarios too. I mean, I love every single FanFiction that I read, it's the author putting their soul there, but they were lacking... Something. So, I started writing my own. I'll admit, I wasn't very good at first. But then, Lucy found out and we made a partnership. I would sketch what I wanted to happen and she would write it down, show it to me and we would publish. After a while, I learned a few tricks and I started writing the stories myself. I still went to Lucy whenever I was feeling troubled with a part and she would help me out.

But... But that's when I met him. Almost halfway through my first story ever, and his account popped up out of nowhere with the most random comment anyone could ever do. 'Wow, dude, that was rude' because of what one of my characters said. I laughed. And, like always, I answered to his comment and he became a 'fan'. After that, he became a friend. And finally, I pushed him into writing his own ideas and he did. And he became a great writer. We began to talk via private messages. It was like a shine of light in my day whenever I logged on my account and check my inbox and I had a message from him. I eventually found out that he lived halfway across the globe, but that didn't stop us from communicating. Hey, it's called globalization for a reason, right? We became friends really fast. I'd talk to him, he'd talk to me... It was easy, you know? He was there to catch me whenever I was down, he loved to make me laugh with his silly jokes that he sent me out of the blue. And I found myself hanging by the phone, waiting for the beep to let me know he had responded to my message.

And then, I got a boyfriend. He was one of the first people that I told to, and he congratulated me, but told me he could kick the guy's ass if I asked him to. I laughed, but told him it was okay. We kept talking like usual, and I still found myself waiting for that beep. Problems began to surge in my relationship and I told him everything about it, and he supported me. He made me laugh and told me it was okay, and helped me handle things. When he found out I broke up with Hibiki, he was surprised _(oh, did I forget to mention that it was Hibiki the one I was dating? Oh well...)_ , but told me he didn't deserve me. He was also the one to call me out and call me stupid when I said I still wanted to be friends with him. He was right. Like usual. But anyway, I don't want to remember the guy that hooked up with the bitch that so-called herself my friend the day after we broke up. He was there to heal me, to help me, to make me laugh with his silly jokes.

He told me he got a cat, and described it to me. It was a big one, with black fur and white muzzle, brownish red eyes and a scar on his left eye. He called him PantherLily. I called him Lily for short. He told me that he told Lily about me, how he was going to love me when he met me, and so on and so on. One day, by mistake, he said that Lily was ours. He never corrected that mistake, though. And I never corrected him. Then, something changed. I started dating again. With another guy this time.

I told him about it and he was happy for me. He really was. He asked me what type of guy he was, he asked me stuff about him, what did we do when we were alone and I told him all about it. I had no reason not to, the guy was like my own personal advisor! And the difference from this one to the other was that this one was a lot like me. Like, he was into fandoms too! And he actually became a fan of one of my fics! It was awesome. Now that I look back, I kind of believe that he didn't like it that much, he just did it because it was a way to be closer to me. But anyway, I told him all about Jet and he accepted _(yes, cut the surprise act, this time I started dating Jet)_. It would be his fucking problem if he didn't accept _(again, excuse my language)_.

Shit happened, and I broke up with Jet. AGAIN, full support from his part. He tried to distract me from my sadness by basically checking up on me every day, and making sure that everything was good _(at least that's how I saw it)_ and for a while, everything was fine. Until my ex came back from holidays and I started to talk to him again. I'm stupid, okay? Feelings came back _(and yes, I know I was the one to break up, but bitch, I know why I did what I did)_ and I started crushing on him again _(AGAIN, I'm stupid)_. And he supported, and told me to follow my heart. Jet and I began to date again. At first, it was all awesome and butterflies and shit _(not gonna apologize for that one, you know it's true)_ , but things changed. The main problem that we had in our prior relationship was still there, and I tried, I swear I did, but things changed. And I found myself falling out of love again.

That was when a friend in common _(another someone I met on the same website, also a 'fan' of mine and I'm a fan of hers)_ told me she added him on Facebook. I said 'really?' and added her and then I asked him if it would be okay if I added him on Facebook. He gave me his name and I added him. That's where everything went down. I still talked to my boyfriend like I used to, but somehow, I began to feel more interested in his texts than my boyfriend ones'. Don't ask me how that happened. But it did. And I found myself lost. It took me a while to tell him that, and he asked me what was wrong. And I told him.

I told him that he didn't make me feel like he used to. I told him that he wasn't with me anymore. That I had to beg him to be with me. And it hurt. And he smiled at me and told me it was okay, that everything was going to be fine, and continued to talk to me. Like he always did. And he was an escape. It was like my Prince Charming. Except a lot more badass.

He tried to warn me though. Even before we exchanged Facebooks. He warned me and told me that he was dark, that he was evil. He told me that he was rough, that he didn't play nice and sweet and romantic. My answer? I told him I had a thing for bad boys. And, when we talked, and things got real, he warned me again. He told me he was dark, that he was corrupted. He told me he was addicting. My answer? I told him the dark ones are the best.

And we continued to talk. I'm shy, I always call him by his nickname, and he found one for me and always calls me that. It used to be annoying, since I felt like he was treating me like a kid, but now I know it's his way of being sweet. My friends know about him, I had to tell them. I couldn't just come up with an easy excuse on why I blushed every time my phone beeped with a message from him. The timetables are difficult, but we make it work. I always text him in the morning, and he answers when I get home from school and we talk until he falls asleep, tired from work. I don't mind, I like it.

But then, things changed. He started to tease me more, and I would blush, like I always do when I'm teased. I would complain and always call him 'evil' or 'mean' or even 'tease' and he would laugh and call me adorable and cute. Until one day, when I teased back. And he liked it. And it became our little game. He teased, I blushed but teased back, and it was like this until one of us thought it was too much. I must admit, there were times where I would hide behind the truth of having a boyfriend just to escape the course the conversation was taking. And the motherfucker would tease back! _(sorry for the language)_ I warned him one day. 'Push my buttons and I will push yours' and he pushed and I pushed back. Hard.

Let's just say that he enjoyed the outcome and I loved teasing him.

It's kind of a routine now, this constant flirt between us. He's a tease, but he knows how to be sweet too. But I still want to rip someone's tongue out through their teeth when he tells me about the ladies at work that don't stop staring and flirting with him. He told me I was being possessive. I know. He asked me if I wanted to claim him. And I blushed. My answer has been starting to change though. I won't give you details, don't worry. I won't bother you. That's for me and him to know and for you to never find out. I noticed it too, if that's what you're wondering. I've noticed that I get possessive and bitchy, but I just can't help it!

I honestly don't know what to do. I mean, I still hide behind the truth of having a boyfriend. I love him, but… I don't know what to do, I honestly don't. And I don't want to end this relationship that I have with him. I really don't! I need this to keep me sane. To keep me… Loved when Jet is not around. But it hurts. It hurts my brain, it hurts my body, it hurts my heart to think this. Would I go for him if I were single? Would I cross the world just to be with him? Would I let everything behind?

I want to hold him. I want to squeeze him in my arms, and I want to kiss him. Mavis, I want to kiss those bitten lips. I really do. But I have a boyfriend. And I should be happy, but there's something missing in my life. I don't know what it is. And I'm not going to say that I love him when I'm not so sure myself. But I know that I want to be with him, and I know that I love talking to him. I never heard his voice before, but I know that I would love it. I don't really know what to do. And life begins to be frustrating once more. I don't regret meeting you, trust me. It was one of the best things that ever happened to me. But you confuse me, boy. And I don't know what to do anymore.

I should go to sleep because I have a test tomorrow. He went to bed a while ago, and I should probably follow suit.

His name is Gajeel Redfox, if you want to look him up on Facebook and let him know that I wrote this.

Love,  
Levy McGarden.

* * *

 **A/N: If you think this is about you, then it probably is. I hope you never read this, boy.**

 **LoneeWolf :)**


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